I find Oliver staring at me. “Do you miss Jess?”
“Yes. She was my friend.”
“Then why don’t you show it?”
“Why should I?” I ask, sitting up. “If I know I feel it, that’s what counts. Don’t you ever look at someone who’s hysterical in public and wonder if it’s because they really feel miserable or because they want others to know they’re miserable? It kind of dilutes the emotion if you display it for the whole world to see. Makes it less pure.”
House Rules, Jodi Picoult
There were a few things I had in mind to write about and a few photos of recent events that I’d wanted to put up here, but a few days ago, tragedy had struck one of my dearest friends and suddenly, not much else mattered enough to be talked about at this period of time. I’d dropped almost everything just so I could be there for her, even if that meant minimum sleep and taking a half day off from work for the funeral. I can just imagine how her world came to a total standstill in a matter of minutes; throughout the day, it killed me just a little bit more every time I caught a glimpse of her face – she wore a mask of strength, but every few minutes or so, bits of that mask tore away as her face crumbled with all the pain she was trying to keep in.
Life’s just a big whirlwind of changes; sucking you in and taking you along for the ride. Circumstances will always keep changing, things won’t always go according to plan and yes, sometimes you just want to wash your hands off everything, but y’know what? You just gotta find a way to deal with it. It all comes down to finding a compromise – get a good grip on yourself honey, ‘cos no one else is gonna do that for you.
Sometimes other people just can’t be sympathetic with the plight of others, and that may be one of the most selfish acts a person can do but sometimes, everything else really does seem too trivial to worry about, next to the mountain of muck on your own plate which you’re still being forced fed with.
No one else can help you more than yourself
You have the choice of coming to terms with the changes, or letting them masticate you from your inside out & consuming you whole.
Make the right choice.
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.
I never really got around to talking much about this, so here goes –
I would update more often, if not for one of these two circumstances – (a) my social life has been plummeting thanks to my tight work schedule, and (b) not possessing a camera, because what I lack in words, can be made up for in images. It’d be something to look at, anyway.
So lately there has been a lot of conflict in various relationships. Whether I’m involved as a party or I’m just an outsider looking in & trying to absorb everything while still keeping a level head on things, it’s been draining. So much so, that if the office wasn’t so creepy after dark I’d be rather happy to continue working after 6pm instead of going ahead with social plans, and then lugging my laptop home to continue on work (but more often end up procrastinating & thus not accomplishing much at all).
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t deliberately cancel on plans. Rather, I’m the one who’s on the receiving end of calls & texts of plans being cancelled. Which can get frustrating, when you’re working & you really have not much free time on your hands. I mean, honestly, I’m sacrificing my rest time just so I won’t hear disappointment drip from the lips of others whenever I utter the words “I may not be free” or “I can’t be sure”. But who’d knew disappointment could come exhaling from my breath more often than I’d want it to, hey?
Which reminds me.. wearing your heart on your sleeve too often, is a lethal move.
And before I get any backlash, I’m not being specific about anyone here. Of course, we all have valid reasons for being busy – I belong in that category of myself. And truth be told, the part of you that used to take things harder than you would like to, just gets numb after some time.
Happy July, mes chéris.