“Even If I Don’t”

*

I miss you most in the morning
Most every morning
I wake up thinking
I could call;
I could come visit;
I could come running;
We could relive it

But when I think of all that we’ve been through,
Going back to you
Seems such a foolish thing to do
I hope you know –
That even if I don’t,
I wanted to

All those words you said at the ending
Were pretty revealing
And I can’t forget them
All those ways we missed at connecting,
Despite all our trying,
It always came back to –
What I couldn’t give you

So when I think of starting up again,
Or trying to be friends,
It seems impossible to do
That even if we can’t,
I wanted to

Who knows why
Two people perfectly aligned
Should ever have to find themselves apart
I’ll never understand my heart

I miss you –
Most in the morning,
Most every morning,
I wake up crying.

*

And that, is that.

“Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground”

Oh sweet Lord. Upon reading some of my previous posts, I realized how utterly gloomy my little space here has become – I never intended it to be the  dark, depressing hole of emotions I think it’s becoming (or maybe it already is!) to the point where I get somewhat disgusted with myself for being this bare and volatile and emotionally-fueled.

Ugh.

I’m not this gloomy or dark all the time, I promise you. For those who know me, I can be a big bag of sunshine and rainbows, especially when I’m in an overdrive of hyperactivity. I have my off days, that’s for sure, and I think my daily routines have fallen into a mundane lull only because my current day job has made it out to be this way… Although I do worry sometimes that I may come off as boring to others. Do I? But it doesn’t bother me to the extent of keeping me up at night (I think. It’s a nightly battle between my mind and my thoughts, with the former trying to suppress the latter lot from surfacing) and I don’t need another trait of my personality to be an additional baggage of insecurity.

But to keep things ALIVE, I would have to write more often and on more.. interesting topics? But so help me, I just do not have that kinda time on my hands anymore. Coupled with my skills of procrastination – ha! To write about my everyday life or things that happen in my life, would go somewhat like this:

Work was the usual today. So much drama – too much drama – that I

… Yeah I can’t even narrate a proper post like that anymore.

So here’s some Eliza Doolitte to perk up your Friday –

Pax et amor,

“Soon the sun will come and save me”

*

Hello,
It’s me again
A whole lot’s changed since I left, and
I don’t know, I guess
I felt like checking in

Surprise –
You let it ring
Well it’s your turn to leave me hanging
I don’t care, I know you love it
When you see me call

I wonder who you’re loving now
I’m guessing we won’t work things out

You know what they say –
You can’t have it, so you want it back
I’m way past that, believe me
If you could be in my life
Like you’ve been on my mind
It’d be so easy

Hello,
It’s me again
It’s three days now, that you’ve been in my dreams
I don’t know, I guess
You’ve just been on my mind
I don’t know, I guess
I think about you all the time

I wonder if she’s much like me
I wonder if she’s what you need