Well that was my month of April, kinda. A bit too much of a delay in posting, but there you go. Just some highlights of it though, since the days have been consumed with work. April was good in some ways, but in some ways good things just don’t seem to last too long.
I don’t mean to be the least bit clichéd, but it’s true when people say that in life, “change is the only constant”. Always. You go through your years and everything changes. People change, circumstances change; you will change to mould yourself around the changes surrounding you
What most people believe is that change is natural. Gradual. That it’s inevitable. But change is always the result of something; the end spark of a catalyst
Relationships can change overnight over a petty argument or a misunderstood phrase of words. Sisterhoods can change over angry words and tears. Blood bonds can change over the years, through the gradual severance of ties – the deliberate rejection of a phone call, or the unwillingness to even talk through the polite greetings. Rationale can be altered with the first prescription. Values and morals can be compromised with the first drink, or the first touch. Friendships can change over some burnt bridges or the beginning of a new life phase or just simply, by drifting
Isn’t that what we all do at some point? We drift. We’re drifters, hovering over everything & everyone when we’re unwilling to settle. Or when we don’t know how or when to finally find a spot to settle. Like homeless hobos, we wind up wandering the streets and desert roads of life in search of a glow of light in a small house some distance away, a place where we can find some comfort, even if only for the night
But I guess, change can’t be all that bad; not all the time, anyway. You look down on your scars and realize how far along you’ve come to making more rational decisions in life; a change that comes when one matures in thought & wisdom. Life patterns can be changed upon the refusal of taking the bottle out of the cupboard & downing half of it in one night. Life decisions can be made upon taking a different route to work in the day & bumping into someone who would impact your life forever, or maybe even by approaching someone at the bar or for a light on your cigarette
There’s always a silver lining in everything, and if one is optimistic & determined enough to find it, one shall
Then again, since change is constant, everything could just be happening in a continuous circle of change. You fall off the wagon; deep set & unresolved matters cloud your rationale all over again – that’s change, too. The one clear thing about change is that there is no grey matter in between. It’s either black or white; either good or bad. And change happens unbelievably fast – the last 6 years could feel like only a few months; your first kiss could feel like it just happened yesterday; the choices you make in one night could change your life within the next 24 hours
I can talk about change over & over again; it’s a topic that continues to amuse, frustrate & fascinate me all at the same time. Sometimes we ponder, on long bus rides, how did we come this far? How could we have let everything change in the blink of an eye? How did we survive with all that’s changed? Why did we not do anything about the change? Are we dealing with the change? If so, how well are we dealing with it?
That’s the thing I’ve learnt, and am still learning, about change – that we have to deal with it & adapt to it at our own pace. I’m not even twenty and yet sometimes I feel like I’ve hit my mid-life crisis; too many changes & too many consequences to deal with. It’s a lot of baggage to have, and we all carry them around everywhere we go; lugging them up every hill & tugging at them over every crack in the pavement
Change will forever be the annoying little brat of a sister that follows you around, or the shadow on the pavement that you are one with. So, we just compromise. Adapt to it, and try not to let it consume you.
How? That’s a good question. I’ll get back to you when I figure it out myself.