“Listening to strangers inside my head, the darkening angels beneath the bed”

There are two scenarios that you can go through when on the verge of almost losing someone –

In that short legroom of time when you have to decide between yes and no; between choosing to lose a person or to keep holding on, your future sort of unravels in a short sixty seconds. You either realize how bleak it is or don’t foresee much change, but usually it’s the former. It hits you like a bullet train, the pain that you would cause and that you would also feel, the void of having someone missing in your life and never being able to replace that person again, the uncertainty of things and what looms ahead of you.

Or, it doesn’t hit you at all. You can’t imagine it because you just can’t imagine living without the person, so you block out any possibility of it even happening. Even when you do end up losing them, the reality of it never fully sinks in. The thought of it still lingers; the gist of it will only continue to be halfway down to the pit of your stomach. You avoid all things necessary to push away reminders of having lost someone, or even just the possibility of losing someone, because admitting that the loss actually occurred would trigger a snowball of inner weakness and destruction.

Most of the time I find the latter be the worse scenario out of the two though, as the pain never fully fades over away, even over time.

Hope you guys are staying safe.

Bisous,

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