“I somehow see what’s beautiful, in things that are ephemeral”

so you kinda lose the words to say when someone tries to comfort you, or asks if you’re okay. is there really a perfect answer to that? do you lie and say “yes, I’m okay”, or do you go through the painful truth of admitting that time does not do anything more than just numb the pain for a while?
i told myself i’d try to make yesterday no different from the rest. that i’d go about my day as per usual, be chatty, meet with people. but when i opened my eyes in the morning, i just couldn’t bring myself to do all that.

So you kinda lose the words to say when someone tries to comfort you, or asks if you’re okay. Is there really a perfect answer to that? Do you lie and say “yes, I’m okay”, or do you go through the painful truth of admitting that time does not do anything more than just numb the pain for a while?

I told myself I’d try to make yesterday no different from the rest. Like this week, the days have been good. I’d go about my day as per usual, be chatty, meet with people. But when I opened my eyes in the morning, I just couldn’t bring myself to do all that. I turned my mobile off for most of the day and slept. I was angry, that they could be so indifferent and forget the date. I was angry, that they could move on, and I couldn’t.

I know wallowing in pity is immensely unhealthy, but to finally reach that ten year mark? That’s 3,650 days of survival. 3,650 days worth of change. 3,650 days filled with more than a million moments of insecurity. 3,650 days worth of regret that I didn’t know you better, yet 3,650 days worth of relief that you’re no longer suffering.

I love you, Ma.

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