So I’m pretty stoked about what’s to come in just a few hours, but at the same time the nerves are just consuming me & wrenching my insides out. Not just about beginning the 6 month internship, though that indirectly relates to everything else. The fact that this is IT, this is the start of my mark to enter the corporate world; make or break this opportunity and my whole future will be defined. No more talk about wild dreams traveling the world after graduation – c’mon, let’s just face reality here; (a) I’m not financially able, (b) I can’t just pick up everything I have & leave everything here. No matter how much I want to, yearn to. I just can’t leave people behind, though this wouldn’t have been a problem for me just a year ago.
A year ago, all I wanted to do was break free. Start a new life. But then I made the mistake of depending on people too much, trusting too much, giving parts of myself away.
Truth is, I’m just scared. Scared of letting go. Scared of change. Scared of being the only one staying still while everything and everyone else constantly move in other circles I cannot reach.
I like to think that I’ve made at least a bit of difference in someone else’s life. At least the tiniest bit of impact that would make someone go, “Oh, yeah I remember her. She was a part of my life, at one point of time.” But then sometimes, I think not.
A sleep away to the beginning of the end? Here goes.
Cheers, to a happy September.