I didn’t like the way they stared. The confused expression on their faces before realization struck them. Yes, these kind of things HAPPEN. To the most normal, the most everyday people too. The people you actually know; it’s not stuff that only happens in movies or in books or just something you hear about other people you don’t even know. But I didn’t like the way they greeted me hesitantly, unsure of what to say or how to react. Normalcy isn’t really that hard, dammit. Or just act normal, it doesn’t take you that much effort. I don’t need your sympathy or your stares or your quick cover ups. I didn’t like how I became a topic of conversation within the first half hour of being there. I felt like running out, to anywhere else but not there. I thank God for Nur Aini for being there and sticking up for me, saying the right things at the right times even if they were just out of pure obligation. The whole time I found myself unconsciously searching for Nyai but she wasn’t there and it was the first family gathering I didn’t feel like part of the family at all.
Next time you want to invite me, treat me like a human being with feelings and take the effort to consider them, at the very least.
I still love them though.
Going to sleep with a heavy heart’s becoming routine these days.