(Well, the new apartment sucks.)

limits

So 11 days have passed into 2009, everyone has been making resolutions but let’s just be honest – we barely keep them anyway. Be a better person, find love, find the truer side of yourself; poof, they’re out the door by the second week.

2008 was a bad year for me.

It started out horrendous, I counted down to the big ‘08 all alone standing in Clarke Quay with the phone lines all jammed up, waiting for friends whom I’m beginning to lose because of my selfish reasons, until a lady clad in a tight tube top and slim fit jeans offered me a cigarette and told me that everything was going to be okay.

She probably thought I was being dumped, but that slight gesture from a stranger made me pray for the best year anyway.

Well I think I did something really bad that the Universe decided to turn on me.

The Universe was a big bad, grumpy bitch.

My grandma; she’s never going to see me get married or have kids. My sister became a stranger, in the sense that I don’t even know her state of mind anymore. She met a man, and everything just went downhill from there, for me mostly. We used to be real tight but I can’t even get through to her now. I don’t tell her I love her, but I would take a bullet for her in a heartbeat. But she let all that, our family, everything we believed in dissolve, just in that instant. My family; fuck that shit about keeping everything in the family and working on communication. Talk to me about communication when you actually have the balls to even talk to me about something other than how was my day & if I was eating well, in the first place.

Needless to say, I was depressed for the first part of the year that I just escalated into the third stage of my ED.

So yes, the year sucked.

It was also the second year consecutively that I ended the year with a major heartbreak. Losing love, losing what could have been, degrading myself and my self respect for someone who deserves someone ultimately better.

So don’t get your hopes up, kids. Don’t wish on the first shooting star you see for the year, don’t wish for that first love, don’t wish you would be a better person, don’t wish for the grades you know you can never have.

You want something, work for it.

Set your standards low; that way, life can never ever disappoint you.

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