Do I Dare?

Okay I’m not sure how public this domain of mine is becoming but the slightest thought of it is shaking my nerves all over. It’s pretty ironic considering it is a on a public host and it’s not like I bar anyone from viewing this page altogether, but there’s a certain discomfort in knowing that a person you don’t even know/don’t know well/you don’t want the person to know about your life so well, reads about you and the threads in your mind.

Unless you stumble on this page with no questions asked, its a different story.

I’m a fairly honest person, but only when I know that the other party has no qualms in accepting my direct opinions. Even then, I usually think twice or maybe thrice, before speaking aloud. That was the point of this whole space, where I could expose who I truly am, and even though I made it public through Facebook, I don’t think anyone really noticed. And I was okay with that.

To put it simply, I like to keep my public & private selves separate. Far from each other, with no connection whatsoever.

I don’t like locking entries but considering current circumstances, I may feel the need to do so.

Just to make a few things clear, though.

Do not spring the whole not-telling-you-about-this thing on me. Don’t take it personal, or maybe do, but not so much. Do not put me on the spot by hitting me with an IM about an entry’s password. Also, do not bring up what you read to normal everyday conversations you have with me.

I’ve been comfortable with a few friends of mine who’ve been reading & seeing me almost everyday, yet they’ve not mentioned anything, including certain personal thoughts of mine I don’t speak aloud/often.

I truly appreciate that.

It sounds weird & I may offend some people, but there’s just that feeling & level of comfort that I share with people whom I don’t personally know, but know of through the Internet, and we share that bond in knowing about each other, but not each other per se.

There’s a logic to that. It just takes some time to actually catch it.

My mind’s drifting. I’m getting horribly unnerved by some people, but there are others whom I need to be there for tonight more than ever.