Comfortably confused

I am difficult with myself, so don’t even mention about a scenario with others.

I have extreme security issues, to the extent where I live in a delusion that everything & everyone’s judgement is based on almost anything physical and I don’t meet the standards. Or maybe this isn’t a delusion, but at least I admit this extensive fear of mine.

I am a personal person. If you can’t deal with it, I’m not going to.

I have trust issues. I don’t even trust myself sometimes, don’t think you could be any more special.

I am very indecisive. I don’t like to make decisions, I leave things up to the other party if they can have a say in the current matter.

I like the thrill of a chase, but unsurprisingly I get hurt when the chase is over. Even if the end of it is my fault in the first place.

I like to think of myself as being good enough for someone, but so far that hasn’t happened yet.

I have this feeling that people change their perceptions of me once they get to know me. Either way; good or bad. But in the end it’d somehow have an adverse negative effect on me.

I like to know what’s going to happen. I like control. I am neurotic at times, deal with it. I’m a semi-perfectionisit, and I dislike people who like to harp on things, badger others about something and/or probe about an issue.

I dislike people who are nonchalant/indifferent/don’t give a fuck about things, take your pick.

Above all that though, it takes a lot for me to dislike someone, what more to hate. So far, I’ve come across less than 5 situations of such. No I don’t hate you, I just really dislike some parts of you but I can’t change that, so I guess this will really go nowhere.